


two steps back

by atsueshi



Series: after this [3]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-24
Updated: 2013-07-24
Packaged: 2017-12-21 05:50:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/896557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atsueshi/pseuds/atsueshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, Tetsuya couldn't sleep. He wonders how Daiki can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	two steps back

**Author's Note:**

> The problem with this shit is that it’s painful (and I don’t even know if I still have the ability to feel pain after all this bull, but come 223Q previews and BAM! Yes, darling, you still have a few pieces of your heart left to break and it would be a shame not to just break them altogether, right?) but it gives me so many reasons to write and fuckin’ hell I hate myself but it’s not like I can stop it so NO.
> 
> Read ahead on your own free masochistic will.
> 
> It’s not like it’s any good, and it’s really short and all, but just the smallest of things can make anyone in the KuroBasu fandom who loves and adores and would kill for Kuroko bleed to death with the sheer thought of… of…
> 
> *gulp*
> 
> You get the point.
> 
>  
> 
> [This is actually the song that goes with it.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZZdjRxmT3U)

> _  
> One step closer, two steps back  
>  Arms grow longer, hands outstretch  
>  Hearts break slower, but minds change faster_
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

There was pain. Tetsuya felt the dull throb of it in the back of his mind, but there was also the cloudy veil of self-preservation that stopped him from just disintegrating right then and there. He was always the most level-headed, the calmer one…And as the memory of that day played over in his mind, Tetsuya realised that it was perhaps the biggest achievement of his life: to not just break down and cry and fall head-first into the endless pit of despondency, to make it back to school and carry everything that the conversation gave him without giving in under its weight.

(He  _did_  fall hours after, but at least it was feet first. It was a small consolation, true, but at least it felt like it was actually his choice, and not because he was shoved into it, and that made all the difference.)

Hearing Daiki’s voice, hearing him not say anything during that phone call… it was enough to trigger the resurgence of thoughts he’d rather not have anymore.

_‘Tetsu… Just thought… Just wanted to… no, really, nothing.’_

Tetsuya fingered the keys on his phone, mulling over the idea of calling back, and then realised there was probably no point to it —- he’d call Daiki, and then what? Another long stretch of silence? Tetsuya had a strong mind, but even the strongest need some rest, and one more of those awkward pauses and Tetsuya knew he’d just lose it. It didn’t help either that they both knew it wasn’t easy to fall back into the rhythm of the days before everything started falling apart, even though Daiki always saw the brighter side of things—

_Saw._  That was just it, wasn’t it? Everything in past tense, everything irreversible even in grammar.  _Daiki always saw, Daiki used to always see things in a brighter light._

‘ _Used to always…’_  Tetsuya let out a sound that was meant to be a laugh, but came out harsher than even he was accustomed to. He found it preposterous. Yet again he marvelled at the quirks of the English language, putting together those two ideas and making perfect sense the way only sad things ever did.

He stared into the screen and wondered idly why he woke up at two in the morning only to argue over the question of whether to call Daiki or not, and the answer came to him so easily it was as if he’d always known but never tried to understand: he couldn’t sleep at all, and there was  _pain_.

That day in the riverbank, Daiki walked away and Tetsuya stayed behind, shaken and speechless and unable to think of anything more than _‘Please look back, please look back, please look back…’_

Daiki didn’t.

Tetsuya fixed his eyes just a second too wistfully at the phone, and then locked it, set it on the bedside table, and slipped back under his sheets. He stared at the sky feeling emptier and more invisible than ever.

* * *

 

He wondered how Daiki could sleep.

 


End file.
